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Like every girl, my dream was to lead a happy married life. It was indeed going smooth, until we thought of having a baby. Initially it wasn’t much hard as we were very hopeful and determined. Every month’s treatment made us optimistic that next month we will hear the good news. Thus visiting the gynecologist became a routine chore. We spent most of our time in various fertility clinics. As a woman physically I had to go through lot of mental tension, frequent travelling to the clinics, routine hormone injections, laboratory test, medications to be taken at regular intervals etc.. I was having a hard time, but thinking of the reason behind and the end result after all these pains brightened my day. Food control, dieting, exercising, mobile restrictions, I rigorously followed everything.

Gradually, I became impatient, I keep wondering why treatment is not working? All the self-confidence and strength eventually was draining away, I became restless and impatient. Getting emotional was my mundane activity. To make matter worse, acquaintance had a good time humiliating me knowingly or unknowingly. Was frequently bombarded with various suggestions and remedies, some suggested to try other systems of medicines, some even told to visit certain places of worship. I couldn’t even understand as all our medical reports are giving a positive result why couldn’t I conceive? Still my better half and parents were there to uplift me through all these. These are some moments where you feel the joy of having a loving family. Every time when I see a negative HCG test, tears starts to fill my eyes and I question myself “why GOD, why me?” I prayed, I begged, I demanded, I even cursed the GOD because as a woman I feel I am incomplete without giving birth to baby.Mentally, physically and financially we were tired. I lost all hope in treatments.Eventually we even discontinued our infertility treatments.

Nothing changed; years went by. Life was going on, filled with hopes and expectations of a miracle one day. Eventually, I started letting go off all those worries and eagerness, diverted my attention to other activities. I was becoming bolder and carefree. I started thinking, maybe GOD has chosen me because I have the strength to face it. Still, I believe that one day I will become a mother but until then I won’t upset myself or my loved ones at home over this matter. As a woman this decision had uplifted my mind, now I am confident enough to share my experience thus giving strength to my friends who are undergoing infertility treatment. Now I understand that no one can change you, you have to bring the change in your life. If you have a problem you can spend your whole life either cribbing about it or you can move forward by facing the challenge trying to bring positive changes in yourself and start a new life. 🙂 – 

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6 thoughts on “I moved on.. To start a new life

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